UNO was conducting a
seminar to discuss aviation boom in the wold where in India was supposed
to send its team of experts .Considering the seriousness of the issue in
hand India sent a delegation of ninety one people to deliberate on the
issue. The delegation was as under-
Politicians- ten
Bureaucrats-ten
members of reserved categories-ten
members of reserved tribes-ten
members of minority community-ten
members of business community-ten
members of majority community-ten
secretary and clerks-ten
peons-ten
representative of aviation community-one
Security Mathers
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public
school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Revised Aviation
Dictionary
-
ALTERNATE AIRPORT:
The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take
off
-
ALTIMETER SETTING:
The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column
during a near-minimums instrument approach.
-
BANK:
The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.
-
BI-PLANE:
What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up
-
CARBURETOR ICE:
Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel
exhaustion.
-
"CLEAR":
Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.
-
CONTROL TOWER:
A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't
hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres.
-
CRITICAL ALTITUDE:
Minus six feet.
-
CRITICAL ENGINE:
That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now
in intensive care at the maintenance shop.
-
DEAD RECKONING:
You reckon correctly, or you are.
-
DE-ICER:
A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.
-
ENGINE FAILURE:
A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.
-
FIREWALL:
Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and
smoke to fill the cockpit.
-
GLIDING DISTANCE:
Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent
landing area at the time of complete power failure.
-
GROSS WEIGHT:
Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of
bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.
-
HOLDING PATTERN:
The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility
serving a terminal airport.
-
RANGE:
Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with
air.
-
WALKAROUND:
What you do when waiting for weather to clear.
-
LANDING FLAP:
A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.
When a flight is proceeding incredibly
well, something was forgotten.
(Robert Livingston, "Flying The Aeronca")
Just remember, if you crash because of
weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
(Layton A. Bennett, "Never fly the 'A' model of anything")
When a prang seems inevitable, endeavour
to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and
gently as possible.
(Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II)
The Cub is the safest airplane in the
world; it can just barely kill you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
A pilot who doesn't have any fear
probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)
If you're faced with a forced landing,
fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
(Bob Hoover)
If an airplane is still in one piece,
don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
(Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican')
Though I Fly Through the
Valley of Death I Shall Fear
No Evil For I Am 80,000 Feet and Climbing.
(Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena)
You've never been lost until you've been
lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore)
Never fly in the same cockpit with
someone braver than you.
(Richard Herman, Jr., "Firebreak")
There is no reason to fly through a
thunderstorm in peacetime.
(Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970)
The three best things in life are a good
landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier
landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to
experience all three at the same time.
"Now I know what a dog feels like
watching TV."
(A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit'
of a A-320)