Allegedly, a Pan
Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following:
Lufthansa (in
German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in
English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in
English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must
I speak English?"
Unknown voice
from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost
the bloody war."
X -------- X
Allegedly the
German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know
one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance
from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened
to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206:
"Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird
206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main
taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird,
do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206:
"Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with
quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to
Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206
(coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."
X -------- X
"Mumbai, what
number am I in the landing sequence?"
"By the time you
land, sir, you will be number one."
X -------- X
Tower: "Eastern
702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702:
"Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted
off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
702?"
Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
X -------- X
These amusing
communications illustrate the implications of using vague language, as
well as the age-old potential for conflict and confusion between
operational departments and functions, and the long-suffering tolerance
of service and maintenance staff in support of operational personnel
found in all industries.